Behind Blue eyes
by SuchaSweetie
Summary: Just a little song fic I came up with…let me know if the song went well with the fic. This is a very dark fanfic about Gordo…it involves cutting and self-inflicted pain. Please do not read if you think this will offend you


"Behind Blue Eyes"

A/N: Hey readers! Sorry for not updating inâ€forever and a day. Lol but school takes up most of my time. Well I decided that I would at least write something, and take a break from "Camp Jordan." But thank you all for supporting me and reviewing! Please R&R this one as well.

Summary:: Just a little song fic I came up withâ€let me know if the song went well with the fic. This is a very dark fanfic about Gordoâ€it involves cutting and self-inflicted pain. Please do not read if you think this will offend you.

David Gordon walked down his street, slowly, lonely. Just wandering from stop signâ€to streetlight. Hoping to run into one of his old friends, but he knew that it wouldn't happen. He knew that neither Lizzie nor Miranda would ever be caught dead seen next to that freak. The freak that tried committing suicide just last year. The freak that was a no body.  
No one knows what it's likeâ€ 

_To be that bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind Blue eyes._

So he continued walking, no destination in mind. Just walking slowly. To nowhere. He knew that his parent's would begin their typical "worrying," even though he knew that the only reason they pretended to care was because of his shrink giving them a lesson in parenting. So he walked on. Then his eyes were directed to a house so familiar he could almost imagine the scent, the homeliness of the house. Lizzie's house. A house that was so familiar to him that he would do anything to just stand in the doorway one last time. He missed that house, he missed the summers spent there, the days after school doing homework with his best friend'sâ€he missed it allâ€but mostly he missed Lizzie. A girl, a friend, a companion, in which she would never be again. She practically hated himâ€if not already.

_And no one knows what it's like_

_To be hated_

_To be fated_

_To telling only lies._

He took one last look at the houseâ€one last final look. And began moving againâ€this time he spotted Hillridge, his Jr. high. He was now in his senior year in high school and everything was different. His friend'sâ€or should he call them "ex" friend's. His parent'sâ€his life. He was no longer David Gordon the original guy that everyone lovedâ€now he was justâ€David Gordon. No fancy titles, no friend's, and truly, no parent's. He knew that everything was different, and he knew that it was his fault. His dreams of being a director would never come true, his dreams of college would never come true, his dreams of happiness would never come true. He was dead inside.

But my dreams, they are as emptyâ€ 

_As my conscience seems to be_

_I have hoursâ€only lonely_

_My love is vengeance_

_That's never free._

Suddenly he became angry, angry at the world angry with his parent's, angry with his friend's, angry with everything. He used to be able to hide his anger. But now it was unstoppable. It flowed from him in great amounts of frustration. He hated himselfâ€he hated his life. He hated how things had to change. He blamed the world and everyone in itâ€but mostlyâ€he blamed himself.

No one knows what it's likeâ€ 

_To feel these feelings_

_Like I do_

_And I blame you!_

_No one bites back as hard_

_On their anger_

_None of my pain and woe_

_Can show through._

His anger had overtaken him. He couldn't stand the feeling of remembering. Remembering friendshipsâ€remembering loveâ€remembering Lizzie. So he ran. He ran until his feet wouldn't carry his limp body any longer. Suddenly he came upon an old friend's home. Miranda. Mirandaâ€the one girl who caused all of this chaos. If only she would have stayed away for just that simple amount of timeâ€if only she would have given David the space that he needed to figure out himselfâ€if only she wouldn't have met lips with him on the day of him and Lizzie's 1 year anniversaryâ€if only. But she didn'tâ€she killed his love. She killed him. She mistreated him in ways that she had never done before, she broke the trust that he thought they had.

David suddenly looked down at his armsâ€the long sleeved shirt that he was wearing was soaked through with blood from his previous cutting that he did before leaving his house. He knew that if he didn't bandage himself in timeâ€that he would bleed to death. He had cut deep, deeper then ever before, and for the first time in a long time, he was scared. Scared of himself, scared of the person that he knew he had become. He knew that it was time. Time to end his pain. He had been defeatedâ€by himself. So he let his arms fall down. And began to run again.

No one knows what it's likeâ€ 

_To be mistreated, to be defeated_

_Behind blue eyes_

But he wanted to say sorry. He wanted to apologize for everything he did to Lizzie, for every mistreatment, for every betrayal. The only thing holding him back wasâ€wellâ€himself. He knew that there was no way he could just march up to Lizzie's front door and waltz in there saying I'm sorryâ€after all it had been a year and a half since they talked. So he let go of the ideaâ€and ran.

_No one knows how to say_

_That they're sorry_

_And don't worry_

_I'm not telling lies._

Finally he came to the intersection that he had been looking for. And at the exact moment he seen a carâ€his way out. So he closed his eye'sâ€and jumped.

No one knows what it's likeâ€ 

_To be the bad man_

_To be the sad man_

_Behind blue eyes._


End file.
